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Who am I?

Things of who I am who I like and what I want to be
Oct 2 '14

clgdoublelifts asked:

hey molly i'm having a slow day and i was wondering if you were in the mood to tell another story because literally i have not laughed as hard at anybody else's anecdotes on this entire goddamn site and it would be pretty rad

ofgeography:

when i lived in spain, i worked as a “bartender” in madrid. i put “bartender” in quotation marks because my boss fernando trusted me with literally nothing but cleaning glasses and occasionally a CLOSELY SUPERVISED mojito. the bar was called “la chocita sueca,” which basically means “the swedish hut,” but can also, as far as i can tell, mean something VERY DIFFERENT and vERY RUDE.

  • this led to a lot of general confusion from the patrons, who were always wondering whether i (the only super, super white person) was The Swede. 
  • "THIS BAR IS NOT NAMED AFTER ME," i would shout, trying to be heard above the music and the huge portrait of elvis that hung behind the bar. "I AM LITERALLY JUST HERE TO WASH DISHES AND MAKE TERRIBLE MOJITOS."
  • "OK BUT ARE YOU SWEDISH?" they would ask me. "LIKE ARE YOU SWEDISH, THOUGH?"
  • "nO."
  • "ARE YOU SURE?"
  • "VERY SURE."
  • "YOU LOOK SWEDISH."
  • "I UNDERSTAND, BUT I AM NOT SWEDISH."
  • "NOT EVEN A LITTLE SWEDISH?"
  • "NOT EVEN A LITTLE SWEDISH. AS I HAVE SAID."
  • BUT YOUR EYES ARE VERY BLUE?”
  • "I AM NOT FUCKING SWEDISH!!!!!!!!" 
  • at which point fernando would sweep in and say soothingly, “shhh, it’s okay. why don’t you go wipe down the vomit on the bar??”
  • rinse. rather. repeat.

anyway, on weeknights when the bar wasn’t busy, fernando always let me come in and talk to him and learn how to make drinks. as someone who hates hard liquor, i was very bad at it. my entire repertoire is a mimosa and a tequila sunrise. in my defense, fernando was aware of this going in. the entire hiring process went:

ME: can i work here?
FERNANDO: do you know how to make alcoholic beverages in exchange for money?
ME: no.
FERNANDO: come on wednesday.

so one day, my roommate bryan takes me out for a delicious fancy dinner, along with his little brother and his little brothers three friends, who were all visiting and sleeping on our floor. on the walk home i noticed that we were going to pass by la chocita (which was about a 5 minute walk from my house). so i separated from bryan and the boys to drop in and say hello to my old friend fernando. 

it’s a tuesday at 9:30p.m. so the bar was naturally empty, and fernando was just chillin’ with the elvis picture and the human-sized statue of liberty replica. 

"maya!!" he said. he called me maya, as did most of my friends in madrid, because it was easier and because i hate the way "molly" sounds when it is breaking up a spanish sentence. "molly" in any language that isn’t english literally sounds like a fart on a first date.

  • "molly" when said in an english sentence: what a cute, rosy-cheeked young lady, probably looking to cuddle a dog and have a good laugh!!
  • "molly" when said in literally any other language: WHAT IS THIS GROSS PIECE OF WOOD IN MY MOUTH?? IT TASTES OF TODDLERS AND THE ASHES OF YOUTHFUL DREAMS.

so in i pop, and there is fernando, who immediately sets to telling me all about his son and how handsome he is and how he’s about my age and fernando’s not saying anything but he’s JUST SAYING—

"here, have some of this," fernando said, and handed me a glass of kalimotxo.

  • WHAT IS KALIMOTXO, you ask? PRETTY EASY:
  • 1. get some cheap-ass wine, like hella cheap, like the CHEAPEST WINE YOU CAN FIND, PROBABLY IN A BOX, PROBABLY CALLED “CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP WINE FOR POOR COLLEGE STUDENTS.”
  • 2. get some diet coke.
  • 3. get some ice
  • 4. combine.
  • 5. “WHAT IS HAPPENING????” - your body, horrified and delighted.

"idk, fernando," i said. "it’s a tuesday? i have class tomorrow?"

"WHO EVER GOT DRUNK ON A LITTLE KALIMOXTO," fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • "WHAT IS HAPPENING????" - my body, horrified and delighted.

"try this, too," fernando told me after a moment, pushing a bright green glass in my direction. "it’s new. i’m trying it out."

"idk, fernando," i said. "it’s a tuesday? i have class tomorrow?"

"WHO EVER GOT DRUNK ON A LITTLE BRIGHT GREEN BOOZE?" fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • "THIS IS DANCING A SAMBA IN MY MOUTH!!" - my actual words to my actual boss.

"wait wait, try this one," fernando added, now pushing a tiny shot glass toward me with gold-colored liquid and sugar at the bottom.

"idk, fernando," i said. "it’s a tuesday? my lips are tingly?"

"WHO EVER GOT TINGLY LIPS FROM A LITTLE GOLD-COLORED LIQUID WITH SUGAR AT THE BOTTOM?" fernando said.

i took the drink.

  • "it tastes like i already regret it!!!" - me, giving the statue of liberty replica a kiss.

"I FUCKING LOVE YOUR BAR NUTS," i said. "THEY’RE THE BEST BAR NUTS I HAVE EVER HAD. CAN I HAVE A POUND OF THEM?"

"okay," fernando said, and handed me a bag of bar nuts as big as my torso. it was very heavy. it was a tuesday at about 11p.m. and i opened the bag, dipped my hand in, and shoved a whole handful into my mouth.

  • IN MY DEFENSE: these were the best bar nuts in the world.
  • i stand by that.

"you should go home," fernando told me, looking suddenly doubtful. "you have class on wednesday."

"WHO EVER HEARD OF CLASS ON A WEDNESDAY?" i said. "GIVE ME SOME MORE OF THE TINGLY LIPS STUFF." it was probably hard to hear me around the bar nuts.

fernando, now very alarmed, called me a taxi. i should remind you that my apartment was a five minute walk from the bar, but with my hands full of a full 3-lb bag of bar nuts that i refused to give back and a my fist closed tightly around the neck of a bottle of tinto de verano, there was really no way i was going to make it that far.

"where to?" the taxista asked. i gave him my address. he blinked at me. "that’s… right there," he said, and pointed.

"yes," i agreed, taking another mouthful of bar nuts.

"we can see it," the taxista said.

"yes," i agreed again. "would you like some bar nuts?"

"….no," the taxista said, and pulled forward toward my apartment, glancing nervously back at the chipmonked motherfucker doublefisting bar nuts and dessert wine in the back of his cab on a tuesday.

"DID YOU KNOW," i said, "I AM NOT AT ALL SWEDISH?"

"okay," the taxista said. "we’re here."

i don’t remember what happened after that, but in the morning i woke up to the following three surprises:

  1. the tinto de verano was nowhere to be found. nowhere. did i give it to the taxista???? did i leave it on the stairs???? HAD THERE EVER BEEN A BOTTLE AT ALL???? WHO PUT SEVEN LEMONS IN MY FRIDGE?
  2. i was wearing socks on my hands.
  3. i woke up to bryan’s brother and his three friends asking loudly, “why the hell are there nuts everywhere?”

"NO REASON," i said.

Oct 1 '14

theresstillme:

help

ginny as a little second-year—it’s just her third week into school and she’s already pulling late nights in the library trying to catch up by herself

because she’d ask the professors, but they look at her with this pity in their eyes she can’t stand

and the other kids…well, she may be young but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know they’re all whispering about her behind her back

so she’s like, drowning in this transfiguration text but she’s GOING TO GET THROUGH IT AND WRITE THIS SODDING ESSAY if it’s the LAST THING SHE EVER DOES

and she’s just about to start banging her head against the table when someone plops down beside her and says ‘wow, you’ve got the worst case of wrackspurts i’ve ever seen’

ginny looks over warily to see a skinny blonde girl staring at her with enormous blue eyes. she looks familiar from her classes, she thinks, but most of last year is just so fuzzy (it’s only the parts of it she wishes she could forget that are, of course, horrifically clear)

'not that i can see them,' the girl continues, tucking her wand behind her ear. 'they're invisible, wrackspurts. but you look like you've got a bad case. i'm luna. want to hear a joke? happy thoughts make them go away.'

oh. luna. loony luna. now ginny remembers. the girl with the weird father and the even weirder stories about creatures that don’t exist. the girl whose presence is followed by almost as many whispers as ginny’s.

luna’s staring at her, clearly waiting for an answer. she doesn’t look particularly loony to ginny. in fact, she looks like the one of the first students to be nice to ginny in almost three weeks.

'sure,' ginny says, a timid smile spreading across her face.

luna tilts her head. ‘you might not need a joke anymore. i think you’ve got happy thoughts of your own now.’

ginny leans in and grins more deliberately, and a warmth unfurls in her chest at the smile luna offers in return. ‘tell me anyway.’

Oct 1 '14

fionagrapple:

WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2014.

MTV, you look real good.

(Source: ritamaevolk)

Oct 1 '14

(Source: levindis)

Oct 1 '14
Adorable Nozaki Umetarou | Not to brag, but I’m the man who’s been called the “spokesman for girls’ hearts”

(Source: seihanndas)

Oct 1 '14

thosewerethe90s:

yaoibutterfly:

rah-b-loved:

inkyblacknight:

paradoxsocks:

ihavemjolnirinmypants:

withoutapresspass:

cyborglovesong:

image

UNITEDSTATESCANADAMEXICOPANAMALKFHDSHFSDKJCNOIDSUHFISUFN:SD

I AM GOING TO MAKE LEARNING THIS THE OBJECT OF MY LIFE.

I always lose it at Cota Rica. 

I ALREADY KNOW THIS BY HEART

United States, Canada,
Mexico, Panama,
Haiti, Jamaica, Peru;
Republic Dominican,
Cuba, Carribean,
Greenland, El Salvador too.
Puerto Rico, Columbia,
Venezuela,
Honduras, Guyana, and still;
Guatemala, Bolivia,
then Argentina,
and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil.
Costa Rica, Belize,
Nicaragua, Bermuda,
Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan;
Paraguay, Uruguay,
Suriname, and
French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam.
Norway, and Sweden,
and Iceland, and Finland,
and Germany now one piece;
Switzerland, Austria,
Czechoslovakia,
Italy, Turkey, and Greece.
Poland, Romania,
Scotland, Albania,
Ireland, Russia, Oman;
Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia,
Hungary,
Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran.
There’s Syria, Lebanon,
Israel, Jordan,
both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain,
the Netherlands, Luxembourg,
Belgium, and Portugal,
France, England, Denmark, and Spain.
India, Pakistan,
Burma, Afghanistan,
Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan;
Kampuchea, Malaysia,
then Bangladesh, Asia,
and China, Korea, Japan.
Mongolia, Laos,
and Tibet, Indonesia,
the Philippine Islands, Taiwan;
Sri Lanka, New Guinea,
Sumatra, New Zealand,
then Borneo, and Vietnam.
Tunisia, Morocco,
Uganda, Angola,
Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana;
Mozambique, Zambia,
Swaziland, Gambia,
Guinea, Algeria, Ghana.
Burundi, Lesotho,
and Malawi, Togo,
The Spanish Sahara is gone;
Niger, Nigeria,
Chad, and Liberia,
Egypt, Benin, and Gabon.
Tanzania, Somalia,
Kenya, and Mali,
Sierra Leone, and Algier;
Dahomey, Namibia,
Senegal, Libya,
Cameroon, Congo, Zaire.
Ethiopia, Guinea_
Bissau, Madagascar,
Rwanda, Mahore[?], and Cayman;
Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi,
Qatar, Yugoslavia,
Crete, Mauritania,
then Transylvania,
Monaco, Liechtenstein,
Malta, and Palestine,
Fiji, Australia, Sudan!

reblogging for the lyrics.

OwO

I lose it after Peru.  like, I can’t even follow the lyrics.  I just sit in awe of it.

Oct 1 '14

theyaremineandiamtheirs:

awblogno:

doctorwhoslostcompanion:

artigosaurus:

queen-of-dork:

i-am-a-cat-eins-zwei-drei:

debisanacronym1:

WHY ARE NONE OF YOU FUCKERS FLIPPING SHIT?!?

NASA HAS DECLARED PLUTO A PLANET AGAIN

IT HAS MOONS!!!!! IT HAS MOONS!!!!!!!

WHAT. WHAT! PLUTO YOU FUCKING DID IT!

VIVA LA PLUTO, YOU DID IT!!!

SOURCE PLEASE!

IT’S LEGIT!

Fuck yeah, Pluto!!!!

Oct 1 '14

(Source: itberice)

Oct 1 '14

let-it-be-extraordinary:

Art Assignment #10

Make a rug

My grandmother was a hoarder. But mum threw out most of the old fabric. So I used her wool to make a blanket instead.

I was thinking about the concept of randomness. How all natural things came into being unpredictably and without intension. Yet human observation has found a way to categorise and sort the randomness into patterns. We knot things together as though they used the same stitch when made, the same finger knitting technique for the same arbitrary shape. And if I had picked the wool out of the bag in a truly random way it would have looked - to us - like a design, like a predetermined order. And I wanted to avoid that.

So this blanket is formed out of intensional disorder. The strict regime I set myself had one rule: no repetition.

Despite this rule, it’s the same knot over and over again in a (mostly) uniform circle, spiralling outwards. I still carefully selected only acrylic wool. And when I take it out of the house, I am repeatedly asked the same question: “How long did it take?” and I repeatedly answer the same way: “An inadvisable amount of time, but not as long as you’d think.”

I feel like Schoenberg. His attempt to reinvent music through 12-tone melodies had the same strict ruling: no repetition. Yet if he wanted his music to resonate with audiences he still had to be confined by the standard metre, the standard note values and the standard instrumentation. The same sentimentally meaningless shapes, imbued with the creator’s own sentimental meaning.

Most of the wool was found around my house, some of it found in opportunity shops for 60c a ball and some of it was graciously given to me by friends. The white circle used to be an itchy cardigan that belonged to my mum. And the multicoloured pink wool was left over from a hat my Nana made for me.

Q: “How big are you gonna make it?”

A: “How long is a piece of string?” 

Oct 1 '14

sachi-life:

Liz Lisa 2014-2015 Furisode Collection

Sep 30 '14

spcsnaptags:

wolvensnothere:

kurtiswiebe:

This perfectly summarizes why I love the Simpsons and hate Family Guy. 

Yup.

So this.

I watched that episode with my family and I could just feel how uncomfortable everyone was. Honestly, it was a really jarring, unpleasant episode.

Homer is a terrible dad. So is Peter. But Homer’s saving grace has always been that he tries—he’s bad at it and he fucks it up a lot, but he loves his family and he wants to be better than he is.

One of my favorite Homer moments is in “Diatribe of a Mad Housewife.” Tl;dr Marge writes a steamy romance novel starring herself and Ned, and when Homer finds out, he chases down Ned and, rather than attack him, asks him to teach him how to be a better husband.

There’s some part of his stupid self that wants to do better.

I never got that impression with Peter. Instead, the family has gotten more and more abusive towards Meg. It’s really unsettling for me when I started realizing that’s what happens sometimes in abusive families. Abusers sometimes single out one child to abuse, and quite often the other family members take the abuser’s side. After all, it’s easier to side with an abuser than to run the risk of becoming the target yourself.

There’s never really a point where it seems like Peter cares at all that his shitty behavior impacts his family. It actually seems to have gotten worse over the years. He expects everyone to clean up his messes because that’s always what happens; there’s really no reason for him not to be shitty.

And it’s easy to see how Meg is affected. She doesn’t have much of a character, really, because so much her screen time is devoted to being abused. The bits of character development all seem to hinge on her being this sad, neglected person who’s trying her best but never really gets any help from anyone. Quite the opposite; there have been a lot of episodes where her family sabotages any attempts to be herself.

It can be easy to forget how awful this behavior is when the only context is the show itself (frankly, everyone on Family Guy is kind of terrible). Seeing it played against the Simpsons, who are a flawed and dysfunctional but ultimately loving family, was painful to watch.

(Source: fyspringfield.com)

Sep 30 '14

drtanner:

suicunesrider:

uneditededit:

Remember in 1993 when Jurassic Park was like…the end all, be all of special effects?

image

not gonna lie that still looks intimately real

I’m still somewhat convinced that someone sold their soul to create the special effects in Jurassic Park because that shit is over 20 years old and it still really, really holds up, better than the stuff in a lot of current movies, even.

Fucking witchcraft, man. 

Sep 30 '14

lordicexx:

grandpafucker:

lifeisducky:

yeltumpar:

I <3 William Shatner on Twitter

I love how they respond to him, as if he is actually a captain, even more.

Nasa confirmed for huge fucking nerds

This is awesome and priceless and people that work on space stuff are the best people of all time.

Sep 30 '14

ryaynross:

im laughing so much a group of really loud boys sat down next to us in mcdonalds and one of them just picked up his burger and said to his friends “i bet i can put this whole thing in my mouth” and my mom turned to me and said “well we know who the gay one is” and they heard her and none of them have said a word since

Sep 30 '14

sirsquidfish-thefirst:

Do you think that when Steve Rogers sneezes, one of the Avengers goes up to him and whispers, “God Bless America”
Then Steve fucking looks at them like this
image